I am going to post some older writings as I begin to ponder new questions and write some new stream of consciousness rants - funny to look back on what I was thinking before and what has changed.... one of my favorite teachers once pointed out as I continued working on a painting and he looked over my shoulder - that I was, indeed, not the same person as I was yesterday- when I began. This amorphous quality of self and what we call "ego" is both a challenge and a daily opportunity and gift..... you can be as attached as you want and you will still not be the person that you were yesterday.


4/19/03

Sometimes nothing is right - everything seems but nothing actually is. concentric circles wind around your brain - beats break against your eardrum sending pulsing vibrations spiraling into your cerebral cortex- the pupil of your eye reverberates

with each strike of the light. what is the vibrational energy behind what you see- isn't vision just music for your eyes? I feel that I can communicate in ways that most human beings don't believe- this is because I believe that there is only a superficial separation between me and "the other" people or animals on the earth- or even between me and the earth. we are molded of the same clay- we have been rounded by the same hands - feet glued to the same lands- time bending through the same clocks- and no one stops this charade - the cosmic trade the appearance of order instead of the absurdity of chaos. the reality we've made instead of the truth - what?

had an interesting day- went to the museum of Natural History walked through the man made central park - into the building where there was no longer a metal detector system- as if that and Travis had just been a figment of our imaginations- maybe a mutual dream- maybe that is reality a dream that all have agreed to participate in and at any moment we may all wake up - but what if some of us have an inkling of this reality - or unreality - and have no proof - what do we do with this information- does information only have meaning when the concepts are agreed upon by a mutual community. learned about Einstein - relativity - the speed of light- stomp and the common language of music- what is the science of music - is this again what of our man made dichotomies that do not truly exist- what if we applied the theory of relativity to evolution- this would mean that all evolution can only be measured in terms of what has preceded- without any knowledge of the future- what if we applied the theory of relativity to animals and human beings- human beings seem to be moving a varying speeds- in everyday life and mutually at the same speed in the process of evolution? but what if we are moving on a pool table just being jabbed all over the cosmic billiard table- what if we have no control over the cue stick- what if there really is no such thing as motion but instead there is only an impression of motion- if the earth is moving at the speed of the universe and we are moving with the earth- are we really moving at all? what is the difference between standing still and moving imperceptibly? How do we differentiate between sensory input and reality- is there a difference? what in life is not relative- ev it al er- where do we come up with words- we use the same word to talk about a scientific concept and our familial relations. maybe this tells us something- everything is part of the same family - everything is relative. the concept of relativity means that everything is interconnected - nothing can happen without effecting everything else within that system. sy "stem" - it grows - it all has roots - your brain stems - the plants stem - digging deep into the depths of the soil- s- oil - our favorite resource- re - source - to find the source again - the source of what the source of life- the source to continue evolution - or to conserve matter - to re source - to make use of the source again and again and again ad infinitum - never ending - constantly changing - c- hanging - is changing a way of hanging ourselves - only the appearance of motion but really death.

in strange fits of passion we often find our lives waiting- in strange fits of passion we often find our lives degrading - in strange fits of passion we often spend time creating- our animal urges we are always trying to purge - our feeling hearts we are always trying to steal- look at the time - alarm - look at the time - now- look at the time- it's gone- look at the time that's past- look at the time- it wasn't meant to last- look at the time- if I had a dime for every time someone asked me - excuse me but do you have the time- the time for what? the time - t i me - subway doors - closed - cubicle stalls - encased - document erased - computer eyes and technological minds - human kind - turned to human clones - human drones - human alones - human moans- devoid of emotion - avoid the lines of government control - and enter the chaos of  a path of your own - the best things in life usually can not be shown- always need to be home grown - home hone in hot healing harm have to be dealing dark days reveal lighter ways weighted intentions- creating crystallic dimensions divided derided in detention delusion we find forests of hate hungers so great graphic grim green turned to brown bade basking in the drown down round rewinded globe glows gleaming with possibilities planetary paths paved with light infused with all that is right regal revive recovery into rebirth and onto a new search starlight stage fright stew dew drop honey lemon sweet truths baby whispers cats pointed whiskered tuned into the terrestrial temptation juices flowing down the legs of a nation beautiful storming creation - blackberry hairs and pores of  cream skin mirrors showing like rivers - no slices slivers - cries of delight demonize daze constant haze heartache milkshake- sundae shoes mundane maze of syrup chocolate spread chilling over vanilla brimming veins of  pulsation vines of persuasion love that drinks deep tastes of summer sleep sunburn how it yearns years yellow suckle skin as it buckles beaches breaking waves winding waist tantalizing truth ocean o's sandy saliva salt slicking lava - licking thin cherry pops melt melodies into the mind dine on pineapple pear precious juices join - lion behold liar beware love becomes and all else numbs.