whatever it is
it will be
gone
tomorrow
and since
 there is
no tomorrow
it is
already
gone
you
can not have it
what would happen if
you
simply
decided
to let go of it
since it is already letting go of
you
let go of
you
let go of
your things
let go of things
they are already
going

dusty pages
yellowed
hard drive
crashing
memory loss
insanity
aging
breathless running

love is not having
having is not love
not love is having
is having love not?
having not love is
simply
true
without
is with
within
is with
here
inside
is the witness
is the voice
that says
you will be okay
without
having
this
without
having
this
body
without
having
this
thought
without
having
this
mind
without
having
this
car
without
having
this
marriage
this
partner
this
life
you
will
be
ok
without
it.

The sun seeps
through the golden beaded seams
crimson reflections fill the walls
cinnamon warmth growing
glowing in askance
make something of me
use me for your soul
let me remind you
of your purpose
create this
remind me
of myself
remind me of my beauty
of my penetrating light
remind me of my essence
of my presence

Co-creators here we can join
Feel my texture
Sharp yellow fangs
dug in deep
into every pore of your skin
feeding on you
as you feed on me
do not look straight into my eyes
for I will burn you
take me in glances
between the shadows
take me at dusk and dawn
beneath the trees in slivers
take me in slow breaths
after a black night of sleep
take me in all my colors
hiding in a dense fog
remember me
even when I am hidden
I am still here
remember me

Morning sun
breathes hello
tree branches
shine with winter cold
cat window
shadow dance
coffee sweet
a season in itself
summer infused
thou not yet spring
no sign of leaves
nor buds
in the sleeping beauty
not yet kissed
by the prince of spring
patience underneath
the aura of stillness
patient life
waiting to come forth
cooking, brewing
vibrant stew
patience in the morning breath

A Dream of terrible clarity

tree deep trunk
rooted coarse wrinkled with time
waiting for the water to reach down
into the ground, into the soil
bodies waiting around the edge
lifeless and gagged, women gray, green, yellow
blue and putrid
silenced by time and again
waiting to be relieved
unable to move
stay still
the voices call
as the oceans waves dance
creation and destruction
they remain bound
in their empty wombs
hollow and unfed
muted by the roar of the currents
moving in on the shore
mother is gone
dead by the seaside
you will hear from her no more
she cannot speak
she cannot sing
she cannot cry

Hmmmm.....
I thought I felt
A feeling
Bad
A feeling
Sad
A feeling
Glad
But then it was
Gone
But then I was
None
But here I am
Again
I thought I could
Remember
I thought I could
Recover
I thought I could
Revive
But instead I wonder
If I'm alive
It really is confusing
All of this musing
I wonder if it will end
With something unoffending?

  How do we distinguish between being masochistic and being spiritual?

There are so many times in life that it seems a valid goal to be with the situation as it is and not have the need to run away from external circumstances that seem to being taking us out of our center. But when is it wise to make a choice to remove oneself from a situation that is not healthy or is a consistent distraction from our life's purpose.
 
When do you say enough and move on?

Like so many other challenging aspects of life- this too appears to require an acute awareness of where the line is between taking care of oneself and running away from one's own experiences in life. So you are living with roommates that you can't stand and trying to be disciplined in your daily life with your art, your reading, your spiritual practices and are constantly interrupted literally and just generally energetically. Thus you have a consistent reason not to be able to complete the tasks that you have set out for yourself. Let's face it anyone trying to be disciplined with their spiritual practice or living on the creative life path faces enough internal, daily obstacles, that the last thing that they need are external distractions. There is already so much resistance around that existential meaning crisis that so many artists and spiritual seekers face. Ironically, you find time and again that artists do place themselves in challenging external environments. So why do we do this?

Do we do this to hinder the artist process, so that we can place blame on external circumstances and not have to take responsibility for our lack of ability to be creative to concentrate on our life's work? Is this external environment actually an escape from the basic existential anxiety around trying to create meaning in one's life?
 
Or is it actually just this opposite: is this external environment actually the fuel that sends the artist back to themselves - like the concept of equal and opposite forces. Is it that the more external distraction that the artist faces the more he/she must return to his/her core and with more distraction he/she moves deeper inside of his/herself? But what is the balance?

How does the artist know which is the right answer?
 
It is true that I should be able to maintain my center no matter what the external circumstances -but is this a necessary component of my creative process? It is similar in many ways to the artistic concern, throughout the ages, that without deep heartache and pain that the artist would not be able to create. But isn't creation that comes out of these painful places a different kind of art? Can art be classified based on its emotional or spiritual origin? Is this reactionary art? Collective consciousness art? Universal principal art? or I hate my roommates and can't really focus art? Do all of these have the same purpose in their existence?

Is catharsis of emotion in the form of a painting the same as the ink drawing of a spiritual master who has meditated for decades?

Obviously, all art has different messages and energies to convey...so perhaps this is how you, as an artist, decide what environment to place yourself in. If you want to do reactionary art - place yourself in the such an environment which will consistently provoke this. If you want to present universal principles - do the like. The core element, perhaps, is to recognize when you do have choices and why you are making the choices that you are. The circumstances in which you find yourself are not an accident. Taking responsibility for the environment in which you find yourself both externally and internally is part and parcel to the production of an authentic, creative, and aligned spiritual being. Another aspect here, to keep in mind, is that we have a tendency to repeat the patterns that we have grown up with. So if you grew up in an environment where you constantly felt inclined to hide away and this is where and when you produced your art - you will likely be inclined to produce the same circumstances throughout life in which to produce your art. It is as though you associate these emotions and this state mind and general state of external energy with the production of art. Somewhere in your consciousness there is a belief that without these uncomfortable, distracting circumstances you actually wouldn't be able to be artistic, that your creative self literally needs to feed on being reactive against negative external energies. Maybe this is true? Maybe it is not. But the key is to be mindful of these aspects and to allow yourself to experiment with what happens if you drop this story - What happens when there are no longer any distractions from the outside? Then do you begin to mimic the negative energies internally? Do you begin to feel anxious? Or do you actually feel free to be creative in a naturally aligned way, not reacting anything but actually able to mirror or channel the energies of the universe without interruption?